I Really Don't Know How...

...my son became a huge NASCAR fan. Rich and I are not NASCAR "people", never have been. Sure, the Daytona 500 was on in our house every so often, as it the "biggest race of the year" (not unlike Indy), and thus carries with it a similar flavor to other major events we (meaning my husband and I) don't follow like the Kentucky Derby - it just has a lot of ballcaps and beer instead of prim hats and mint juleps.

So back to my son the NASCAR fan. His favorite driver is Jeff Gordon. He is a diehard fan, even though #24 had a less than stellar year last season. He's not as rabid about the "sport" as he was when he first got into it, but he knows a lot more about it than I even knew existed. He used to go onto NASCAR.com, study the track for the upcoming race, and build models with his blocks. Pretty amazing ones at that. He'd even tell me "see Mom, turn #3 is between a 27 and 32 degree angle...", and all I could think of is why would a 7 year old (at the time) know that? Is he doomed to be an engineer?


He's been to about five races or so now, and it's likely he will be begging to go to the next one at PIR in April. Since NASCAR season has officially started again, the TV is on with all things NASCAR. I have to admit, the Viagra commercials trouble me on many levels, not the least of which being that my 9 year old son is watching (Ryan: "Mom, what is Viagra for?" Mom: "Ask your father.")

Soup Weather

Oh, how I love soup weather. I miss it, since moving to the desert. In Rock Port, though I couldn't count on it by Halloween, I knew it wasn't far off, and I'd be whipping up batches of butternut squash soup, baked potato soup, and my favorite sherried mushroom bisque, among others, to warm the cooler days and bitter cold nights. For 12 years that was my norm.

Now we're back in the desert, where it isn't uncommon to be wearing shorts in January. Just last week, we hit 85 one day. Don't get me wrong; I love it - no more ice storms, no more 20 minutes of bundling up for the 5 minute drive to daycare. But I sometimes miss the coziness.

Except today! It is rainy, wet, dark, and no warmer than 55 degrees! That's cold! Well, relatively speaking, that is (all my Rock Port friends are laughing at me now, I'm sure. When we first moved here, we told Ryan he could drop the "above" after citing the temperature, as it's unlikely he will have to tell temperatures in terms of the relativity to 0 degrees Fahrenheit anymore).

Seriously, though, with the wind actually howling (it blew the cover off the patio furniture and now the cushions are all wet. WAH!!!), rainy cold weather has me aching to make soup. Hubby got called home today to pick up a feverish Alex from school (it was Rich's turn), so I also left early in order that Ryan could still go to Tae Kwon Do. And then, instead of logging in and continuing my work from home...I made soup. Sherried Mushroom Bisque. It's quietly simmering on the stove, foretelling of a quiet, cozy evening. I can't wait till it's ready!!! Come on by and I'll serve you up a cup.

Thank you...

To all who called. To all who emailed. To the ones who listened to me lament what the future holds for my loved ones. To those whose thoughts and prayers have been constant since it all started...And big thanks to those who stand by my brother and hold him up. To loved ones across the sea who are taking care of my beautiful nieces and their mother...always a sister in my heart. Your thoughts, your prayers, your wishes for good hopes...I thank you. How lucky - to have so many caring, wonderful, thoughtful people in my world. Your outpouring of love never ceases to amaze me.

Hearts are Breaking

Hearts are breaking, and there is a great sadness in my world today. Not because the Cardinals lost the Superbowl (it was a great game, after all, and the Cards showed a lot of character); not because of anything with Groundhog Day (did he see his shadow? Did he not? Do I care?); not because the economy shows signs of worsening. No, these things don't enter my psyche today. Today my sister in law and my nieces boarded a plane. To move to Norway. Divorce is never easy, especially when it involves two contintents. And suddenly, the reality of how our family is forever changed begins to settle in. My brother will survive on letters and emails and occasional pictures and updates, and a promise of reuniting with his daughers sometime soon. I know there is rejoicing on the other side - the prodigal daughter is returning home and now her family gets a turn at being a part of the girls' every day lives. Who can blame them? They've been the ones surviving on letters all these years. Now it's their turn, and what a wonderful opportunity for the girls. But nothing will be the same for those left behind.

For me, the change is more transparent, since I moved away long before I had nieces and a sister in law. So I'm used to the occasional calls now and then, the email exchanges, and hoping to visit once a year. But for the rest of my family, who lived basically around the corner from them, it's a whole different story. And I started feeling the ache in my heart when I spoke to my mom and my sister. An ache so deep and so painful, I'd forgotten how fragile my heart really is. I can be - and usually am - awfully cold and unfeeling. I've not decided if this is because that's just the way engineers are, or if perhaps it's a coping mechanism I've built over the years to shield myself from the things I feared would break me. I don't know. Whatever it may be, though, it isn't there right now. I started having chest pains, thinking of my brother, and thought maybe I'm having a heart problem??? But then I realized, this caving, sinking, crushing feeling is the pain I'm feeling for him. I only wish I could keep it for him, so he wouldn't have to feel it himself.